2014.

    As the year comes to an end I have been basking in a pool dense with self-reflection. It is within this pool I have discovered who and where I am now, and I am immensely dissatisfied. For too long society has had a tight clutch on my fire and it is due time to cut that damned tie; like a crop with a poisoned scythe. 
      I have always and still do, believe in the person I want to be come but believing is simply not enough. I have to be that person. I have to make choices and advocate changes that may not necessarily be for the betterment of society, but for my own sanity. I have grown insane living in a fantasy. I yearn for reality; both the good and the bad; both the enemies and the friends. I realized I was not where I needed to be a few weeks ago and I did something about it; I apologized. I swallowed my pride and buried my ego and approached my adversaries and came to peace with them, and subsequently myself. 
      I recently also told the truth to someone very special to me, it was difficult, and tremendously painful but I got through it. When I went to bed that night I felt horrid but it was not until the next day where I found peace with myself and realized something very important; I do not have the space, energy or time to fight for people who do not value being fought for, -there are some people worth melting for and others who simply are not. 
     We have more control over our destinies than most people seem to realize. Anyways, what I am trying to say is that I would rather have everyone hate me for being myself than like me for being someone else. I feel that I have been trying so hard to have the perfect life and be perfect that I am losing sense of who I truly am, and I want that to change. I am not perfect, I am not this person. I am a pessimistic, narcissistic, anti-social diva. And, no, I do not want to be that, I want to be someone else. But, MY someone else, not everyone elses’ someone else. And, I genuinely believe my solitude is the best way for me to become the woman I want to become, and I have surrounded myself with people who are not supportive of me. So, basically, my new year’s resolution is to become the person I believe in. And, a lot of sacrifices will have to be made and I am willing to make them, I am willing to give up my perfect life for my happiness. I apologize in advance for not having everyone else’s interests in mind but I have to do this –for myself, for my sanity, for my dreams. Because, becoming the person I want to be is the most important step in becoming the woman I want to be. All the dreams and all the lights.